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Be
A Better Parent: GIVE YOUR KID A C.A.R.
Introduction
Okay, you decided to
pick up this book and figure out why someone would advocate
giving a kid a C.A.R. as a solution to parenting difficulties.
Certainly, you suspect that C, A, and R represent something other
than a vehicle. It simply means giving your child a Choice in
his or her behavior, holding him or her Accountable for their
actions, and encouraging Responsibility in everything he or
she does. When these objectives are met, the majority of parenting
challenges can be addressed in a positive and effective manner.
I am a sports fanatic but have very limited athletic skills.
I love to participate in many different sports, and have spent
over fifteen years coaching youth. Given my absence of raw
athletic skill, I have had to approach each sport in a very
methodical and deliberate manner. I have diligently focused
on the fundamentals of any sport I pursued. Through my years
as a coach, I learned I had a knack for breaking down and
teaching the proper steps for making a lay-up in basketball,
the specific mechanics of throwing a baseball, or dissecting
a swing in tennis. Additionally, I discovered that I could
do the same thing with effective parenting. Thus, I consider
myself to be a coach for parents. While discussing this book, a
very dear friend offered a great line. She said, "Whether you
are a rookie in the league or a ten year veteran, you need a
coach. Even Michael Jordan has a coach." She made a
marvelous point and I hope my "coaching" is helpful to you.
Just consider me, Dr. Kevin Irmiter, "The Parent Coach." ...
... In the absence of a manual when a new baby arrives, new
mothers and fathers are likely to make numerous mistakes.
Furthermore, when mistakes are made, parents may not know
exactly what they did wrong or why the action failed to obtain
the desired results. This book is not expected to remedy all
that ails society or our children, but it is offered as a
tool that can guide an adult who is striving to raise a caring,
respectful, and responsible child. ...
... I compiled what I consider to be "The Parent Coach's"
ten best plays. Most are presented as analogies to aid the
reader in understanding the essence of the concept. I hope
each concept is helpful, is easily understood, and assists
you in raising your children in a positive and healthy manner.
Play Number One
Parenting
Choice versus Force
I have repeated over and over again that there are two ways
to parent your children. You can either parent by choice or
you can parent by force. ...
The vast majority of parents that have problems with their
teenagers, struggle in the parenting role because they parent
by only using force. While this approach can work when your
child is small, parenting by force is doomed to fail when
puberty hits. Your child no longer accepts, "Because I said
so!" as a rationale for complying with your parental requests.
A simple clue that this stage has arrived could be when your
child responds to, 'Because I said so!" with, "But, that's
no reason!" ...
When Johnny was small you could simply drag him by his
ear to his room and force him to hang up his coat. However,
you know "your goose is cooked" when you grab Johnny's ear
and he simply pulls away and glares at you. Your response
might be something like "Oh boy! Now what do I do?" At
this point, Johnny has clearly let you know that force will
no longer work. Frustration and irritation are sure to be
present, and you probably want to refer to your back up plan.
...
Play Number Eight
Playing Poker
When to Hold 'Em versus When to Fold 'Em
I am certain that you are wondering what the game of Poker
has to do with parenting your children. Throughout the years
that you will be responsible for your child, you will make
numerous decisions about how to handle your son or daughter's
actions. If you are able to decide "When to Hold 'Em" and
"When to Fold 'Em" your job will be made easier. ...
Nearly every day as a parent will bring decisions that will
have a significant impact on you, your child, and the status
of the relationship between both of you. Try to recall the
many battles you had with your parents -- now reflect
on the conflicts that you believe were important, and those
that you believe were based on your own parents' unreasonableness.
Personally, I remember the long hair that was ushered into
my life via the influence of The Beatles. I recall mini-skirts,
black lights, drugs, hippies, girls going braless, bell-bottoms,
and the platform shoes, that have recently made a return,
all of which were bones of contention between parents and
their children in the seventies. There were fights with my folks
over the music I played too loudly or the chores I failed to complete.
Each issue had to be addressed, and my parents had to decide
how to resolve each problem as it arose. ... If you become
an adept poker player with your child, then you will be more
effective in deciding "When to Hold 'Em" and "When to Fold
'Em." Some battles with your children are simply not worth
the emotional energy that you must expend if you wish to win.
...
Give Your Kid a C.A.R. will
be available in the near future. If you are interested in receiving
information about the book's availability, then click on this link
to Dr. Irmiter's
mailing list.
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